Sunday was a beautiful day. It was our family gathering — one of those rare occasions when all my uncles, aunts, and cousins were under the same roof. The house felt alive with laughter, conversations, and the aroma of tea-time snacks.
We were all scattered in little groups — some sitting in the living room, some on the balcony, chatting away. I was sitting beside my mom, and next to her was my aunt. The two of them were deep in conversation, as always. But this time, the topic was marriage; specifically, their daughters’.
I’m the eldest among the cousins, yet unmarried. One of my cousins, who’s around 28 now, is also in the so-called “marriageable age.” My mom and aunt were discussing the kind of families they were hoping to find for us.
My mom gently said, “We’re looking for a family that would let my daughter continue her career after marriage.”
But before she could even finish, my aunt responded, “Why are you waiting for such a family? Just look for a decent household. Whether they allow her to work or not, that’s their decision, not hers.”
I sat there, quietly listening, but my mind was loud. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My aunt has two daughters. One of them runs a successful boutique and earns lakhs every month. She’s financially independent and doing incredibly well for herself.
And in that moment, a thought gently crossed my mind:
If she were sitting in my mother’s place, would she say the same things about her own daughter? Would she ask her daughter to shut down her dreams? To stop pursuing what she’s built, just to adjust in a marriage where her aspirations may not matter?
I don’t think she would. Because her daughter’s success means something to her — just like my journey means something to my mother.
Isn’t that a paradox?
How can you raise your daughter to dream, educate her, and support her ambitions — only to crush it all when the subject of marriage enters the room?
It’s beyond my understanding, why do so many parents still think this way?
You give birth to a daughter, freedom to dream, and wings to fly, but the moment marriage comes into play, you start clipping them. Instead of searching for a life partner who can walk with her, grow with her, and support her dreams, you seek someone who can control her, contain her, and decide for her.
And then you call it “A Good Family.”
If your idea of a suitable match is someone who might limit her freedom, then why did you let her dream in the first place? Why give her the illusion of flight if you always intended to ground her?
Occasionally I think, what’s the difference between killing a girl in the womb and killing her spirit after marriage? Either way, you’re taking away her right to live the life she truly wants.
And I have witnessed similar events occur repeatedly.
But here’s the truth: this isn’t just one girl’s story. I’ve also seen homes where in-laws have supported their daughters-in-law more than their own daughters. I’ve seen women bloom in their careers after marriage because someone stood beside them and believed in them.
And yet, the tragedy is that these examples are still rare. In many middle-class families, the mindset remains trapped like it’s stuck in a cage. They still believe that a girl shouldn’t live her own life or chase her own dreams. That she should shrink herself to fit inside someone else’s expectations.
This society needs to evolve. Parents need to mature in their thinking; not just about their daughters, but about their sons too. We need to stop blaming only the boy’s side. Sometimes, the pressure, the compromises, the silencing ; it begins in the girl’s own home.
If you tell your daughter, “Do whatever your husband or in-laws ask you to do,” you’ve already written her fate in someone else’s hands. That’s not guidance; it’s abandonment.
Instead, teach her to find someone who can grow with her. Someone who doesn’t just “allow” her to be herself but celebrates the woman she is. Someone who sees the beauty she’s been cultivating within all these years.
Because daughters aren’t born to be caged. They’re born to fly.
